New Year's Eve is upon us. Social media is all blocked up with messages about Peace and Happiness and Well-Being in the New Year. Kind of an extension of the left-over Christmas wishes from last week. As are all leftovers, these tend to be rather dry and lacking in flavor. Below are my wishes for you and for me this coming year that are as fresh as powder on an infant's butt.
- I hope everyone still living stays alive another year. It's rather amazing how often this simple wish is overlooked. Except for those with chronic or acute illness, most people take the fact they will be alive next year rather for granted. My suggestion: don't be so Cavalier. Instant Karma may indeed be out to get you as early as tonight. Wish for life for you and all you know. Everything else is optional.
- Right along with life comes of course, health. Life without health can be a significant drag. Nevertheless, life first, health second. It's amazing what one can endure in terms of ill health and still get down and party every once in a while. Death on the other hand tends to end the party permanently.
- Fast on the heels of the above is wealth. It appears somewhat out of fashion to wish for wealth. But, although money can't buy you love, it can certainly rent it. And as everyone knows, Romance without Finance is a Nuisance. So don't be cowed by the denizens of propriety and PC, wish for money baby, bags and bags of money. If the notion of being wealthy causes you to have moral qualms, send some my way; I promise to spend every dime helping my fellow humans (by purchasing lots of stuff to keep them employed).
- Keep at least some of your vices. New Year tends to be that time when people make "Resolutions" to be better to themselves: lose weight, stop smoking, stop using recreational drugs (I say recreational because if you abuse drugs you decrease the chance that wish #1 will be fulfilled). These are all noble goals but let us have some perspective. Vice is nice in proportion to Virtue. People who continually attempt to rid themselves of all vices are dry, humorless, and often hectoring people. All things in moderation perhaps but that ought to include stuff that is not good for you/illegal/out of fashion. Keep a vice. Keep it reasonable. Enjoy the hell out of it when you indulge.
- Stop worrying about your older children! This is of course for those of my compatriots who are blessed with older offspring. You did your best. Or, if you didn't do your best, you did what you did and there's no going back. When, if, they complain about their life, tell them you're sorry for whatever imagined wrong you committed and to get on with their lives. Then walk with dignity out of your garage where they have been residing since graduating.
- Stop worrying about your younger children! The world you live in is not more dangerous than it was 60 years ago, in fact it's far less dangerous given advances in medicine, technology, GPS tracking and the comfort that the NSA helpfully reads your mail, texts, and twitter feeds to keep you safe. Leave your kids alone! Let them eat dirt. Let them wade in streams and creeks and catch interesting creatures. Allow them to fold, spindle, and mutilate. Don't be so concerned about how well they do in school. If they're smart they'll do reasonably well without all of the hovering and parental interference and if they're not that smart? There are things in life every bit as important as formal education; a happy childhood for instance. A harmonious family life. Determine to get off your children's back this year and watch what happens.
- I suppose I ought to say something on world peace, racism, sexism, homophobia, and classism. Only one thing you can do; don't be a dick. Stop thinking you, your race, your class, your gender, your sexual preferences make you special; you're not. You are a fluke of the universe. You have no right to be here, and whether you can hear it or not, the universe is laughing behind your back.
- And so, Happy New Year my friends and dearest Droogs. I hope you stay alive, stay healthy, have fun, stay or fall in love, and make lots and lots of money in 2015!
Love you all madly,
Dr. John
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