Many Rivers to Cross...

Yesterday, June 26, 2015, the Supreme Court of the United States, in an unfortunately tight decision, granted equal rights to all citizens of the US to marry as they choose without regard to sexual orientation or gender. I am well old enough to remember Loving v. Virginia, which ended all laws against miscegenation in the US. (Loving v. Virginia). The Loving ruling, as did the ruling in Brown v. Board of Education (Brown), opened up  the potential for freedom for many of our fellow Americans. These rulings did not however change the landscape of fear, hatred, bias, and hurt, that existed in the hearts of many.

I remember the scenes of National Guard troops needed to escort nine students into Little Rock Central High School in 1957 and the Federalizing of the Arkansas National Guard by President Eisenhower, in order to remove control from then Gov. Faubus. (Central High made headlines again in 1968 when the Supreme Court, in Epperson v.Arkansas, ruled that the state law forbidding the teaching of evolution through natural selection, was unconstitutional.)

After Loving, many mixed race couples were still vilified, spat upon, denied housing, and shunned in many communities. After Brown hundreds of thousands of white parents removed their children from public schools, perpetuating the very problems the ruling sought to end. The fear and loathing of the "other," in these cases mostly Black Americans, continued and even intensified in many communities. This race hatred and fear was not, and is not, a Southern problem. One only need look at the shattered neighborhoods of many major cities in the NE, caused by white flight from the cities based upon the fear of non-whites moving into neighborhoods, caused by "red lining" or the refusal of banks and realtors to finance or allow certain groups to move into certain areas, thereby creating the racial ghettos that still exist. Well do I remember the panicked selling of their homes by  middle class whites, many ostensibly "liberal," in beautiful areas of Philadelphia like Logan, Mt. Airy, and Germantown,  because people were frightened, often by unscrupulous real estate agents, into selling their houses for a fraction of their worth, out of fear that Black people might become neighbors. The practice persisted even after passage of the Fair Housing Act of 1968 and the Community Reinvestment Act of 1977. (As a side note, red lining also affected communities of whites such as Jews and other religious minorities, as deeds often had prohibitions against certain religious or ethnic groups buying houses. However, while one might easily disguise their religion and often ethnicity, it is far more difficult to disguise race.)

In contrast, those neighborhoods that resisted fear and racism, albeit few, continue to thrive and grow as diverse, beautiful communities.

No law or Court ruling has put an end to racial bias in the marketplace, in education, business, or especially due process under the law, as witnessed by the uncovering of institutionally biased treatment and coercion of some citizens by some police, courts, and security services, only now coming to light due to advances in technology, which have allowed normal citizens to record outrageous behavior.

And so now we have Obergefell v. Hodges, the most welcome and newest piece in the National puzzle of citizen relations. There is no doubt that this decision is a sea change in the status and rights of, not only LBGT people, but of the rights of all people. I can only imagine the joy and thanksgiving in the homes of couples and families who no longer have to live in fear for their partner, their children. or their rights under the law, because of whom they love. Already however, certain people and governments are trying to subvert the intent of this ruling. Yesterday at least two counties in Alabama ceased issuing any marriage licenses, so to avoid issuing them to same sex couples, while the Alabama County Commissioners Association encouraged probate judges to put the issuance of same sex marriage licenses "on hold" until the ruling by SCOTUS "is reviewed." It appears that the language of Justice Kennedy's majority opinion is murky:

     "No union is more profound than marriage, for it embodies the highest ideals of love, fidelity, devotion, sacrifice, and family. In forming a marital union, two people become something greater than once they were. As some of the petitioners in these cases demonstrate, marriage embodies a love that may endure even past death. It would misunderstand these men and women to say they disrespect the idea of marriage. Their plea is that they do respect it, respect it so deeply that they seek to find its fulfillment for themselves. Their hope is not to be condemned to live in loneliness, excluded from one of civilization’s oldest institutions. They ask for equal dignity in the eyes of the law. The Constitution grants them that right.

The judgment of the Court of Appeals for the Sixth Circuit is reversed.

It is so ordered.

Seems pretty clear to me, but what do I know.

There is a lot of work to be done by people embracing law, equality, and justice. Work on behalf, not just of those in the LBGT community, but for women, the poor, immigrants, prisoners, the various racial groups, equal and equitable pay, religious tolerance and other pressing social issues. The decisions of SCOTUS, any other court, or any legislature, are merely starting points in the continuing struggle to assure what the French term, "Liberté, égalité, fraternité." As Jefferson is reported to have quoted, "Eternal vigilance is the price of liberty." (The saying did not originate with Jefferson but is often attributed to him.)

One need not march, spend money, or quarrel with those who disagree. As the old saying goes: Be the change you desire to see. Do not tolerate bigotry, racism, homophobia, misogyny, or religious intolerance in your relationships with others, the music you listen to, the films, books or plays you watch or read.Teach your children tolerance and be a voice for tolerance in your family and community. I know many readers already understand this, but also need to understand that violence or hate speech toward those who disagree, is just a horse of a different color. Attacking the person of people with whom you disagree through derogation, dismissal, name calling, and profanity, merely serves to inflame you both and move us further from tolerance. It is indeed true that a kind word turns aside wrath while a harsh word inflames anger.

There have been many times in my life that I've despaired of seeing the kind of changes required to make our country stronger and more united. We have proceeded in fits and starts to fulfill the founding vision of the United States as a shining beacon of hope to the downtrodden of the world. There's much yet to be done, but for now, I'm going to bask in the glow of our myriad strides this week!

Love you all madly,

John

What about the other dads? (The Cat's in the Cradle)

Today is Father's Day and social media is in full gear with photos of dads from the distant and recent past. Some are memorials and some current but none speak of the "other fathers."

Would that it were the case that all fathers (and mothers) were kind, loving, giving, and positive role models to their children, but the reality is that many fathers, especially 50-60 years ago, were distant, absent, harsh, self-centered, shadow figures. One does not see many Face Book posts about these fathers. If we did, the posts might read something like: "Happy Father's Day! Wish you had been a better father, I could really use the thousands of dollars I spent on therapy!" or "Happy Father's Day, but of course you died young and so I never got the chance to have a better father."

I know this sounds unduly harsh, but the fact is that, in the 40's, 50's, 60's, and 70's research tells us that dad's spent very little time with their children and even less time contributing to domestic work. Admittedly this has improved but many of the really great fathers that I know, who grew up in the middle of the last century, became good dads in reaction to the really poor fathering that they received when they were children. How many Boomer men said to themselves, "When I'm a dad, I'm going to be a whole lot different."

I grew up in the 50's in a tight knit neighborhood of row homes in Philadelphia, typical of the post-war emerging middle class. There were a lot of kids on the block and everybody knew everyone else. Of all the dads with whom I was familiar, there were almost none who spent time with their sons (or daughters); taking them to ball games, coaching their sports, or just hanging out. Of course most of the dads were the sole bread winners and for many, that was the definition of a father; to work and provide money. Nurturing and care giving were considered chores better left to mom. When dad had some time off, it was to play cards, or watch the game. To go fishing (with the other guys), or in some cases go to the track or just lay around (without the kids). This deficit in nurturing was immortalized by Harry Chapin in his song "The Cat's in the Cradle."

I know there were exceptions, but when I see the dedication to children from dads that really began in my generation and continues to improve today, I find virtually no comparisons with the fathers I knew growing up.

I'm certain there were fathers back then that spent time with their kids willingly and happily but, if you're over 60, think back upon how many times your father spontaneously, without being told by your mom, asked you to do something with him, took you unbidden to a fun activity, or just hung out with you when you were a child. (I say child because for a lot of fathers having their children reach adolescence or young adulthood enabled dad to relate somewhat better.)

Of course their were (and are), fathers who were  worse than distant. There were those who were emotionally, if not physically, abusive to wives and children and, because divorce was so punitive to women, the women and children had to endure. There were then and now the alcoholics, the compulsive gamblers, the serial adulterers.

There are many apologists for fathers of that era. "It was the cultural zeitgeist; they didn't have good role models; they didn't know better." But we all know this is bullshit. The fact is that, even in the middle of the 20th century there were dads, albeit the minority, who did coach, lead Scout troops, play games, and who willingly and joyfully participated in raising of their children. It was, and always has been, a choice.

And so on this Father's Day, I wish a most happy and fulfilling day to all of the dad's who truly partake in the lives of their children. If you are one of the unfortunates who grew up with what psychologists sometimes call "Father hunger," I hope you have lived up to your promise, made to your young self, that you would be a more present, engaged, and loving father. To those of you who feel you've fallen short, remember that where their is life, there is hope. Take stock of how you might be a better father and BE one.

With a tip of the hat to the great Harry and Sandy Chapin, the consequences of distant fatherhood:

My child arrived just the other day
He came to the world in the usual way
But there were planes to catch and there were bills to pay
He learned to walk while I was away

And he was talking 'fore I knew it and as he grew
He'd say, "I'm gonna be like you, dad
You know, I'm gonna be like you"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when
We'll get together then, son, you know we'll have a good time then"

When my son turned ten just the other day
Said, "Thanks for the ball, dad, come on and let's play
Can you teach me to throw?" I said, "Not today
I got a lot to do" he said, "That's okay"

And he walked away but his smile never dimmed
Said, "I'm gonna be like him, yeah
You know, I'm gonna be like him"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, dad?" "I don't know when
We'll get together then, son, you know we'll have a good time then"

Well, he came from college just the other day
So much like a man I just had to say
"Son, I'm proud of you, can you sit for a while?"
He shook his head and he said with a smile

"What I'd really like, dad, is to borrow the car keys
See you later
Can I have them please?"

And the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when
But we'll get together then, dad, We're gonna have a good time then"

Well, I've long since retired and my son's moved away
Called him up just the other day
I said, "I'd like to see you if you don't mind"
He said, "I'd love to, dad, if I could find the time"

"You see, my new job's a hassle and the kid's got the flu
But it's sure nice talking to you, dad
It's been sure nice talking to you"

And as I hung up the phone, it occurred to me
He'd grown up just like me
My boy was just like me

Yeah, and the cat's in the cradle and the silver spoon
Little boy blue and the man in the moon
"When you coming home, son?" "I don't know when
But we'll get together then, dad, we're gonna have a good time then"

SONGWRITERS
CHAPIN, HARRY F./CHAPIN, SANDY

The Book of Days (Redux)

The Book of Days (Redux)

I have had it.  The plethora of "days, months, and years" that have mushroomed out of control is beginning to seriously annoy me.  For instance, social media was awash today with notice of National Siblings Day.  Don't get me wrong, I am not singling out siblings.  I love my siblings both biological and adopted. I genuinely enjoy being with them. Nevertheless, do we really need to celebrate every possible job, affliction, condition, race, creed, and religion?

While today is Sibling Day, sioon is Wildflower Week, the third week in May is National Bike Week as well as National Police Week, after which comes Emergency Medical Services Week.

In May alone there is: May Day, Loyalty Day, Mother Goose Day (I kid you not), Save the Rhino Day, Baby Day, Brothers and Sisters Day, International Tuba Day, Space Day, Lumpy Rug Day, World Press Freedom Day, Bird Day, National Candied Orange Peel Day, Renewal Day, Star Wars Day, National Hoagie Day, Oyster Day, Beverage Day, National Tourist Appreciation Day, National Teachers Day, No Diet Day, School Nurses Day, And National Tourism Day.  Excuse me, did I say in May?  The above so-called holidays all occur within the first seven days of May.

Although I am well known as a curmudgeon and therefore cynical of virtually any public celebrations, do we really need a "No Socks Day (May 8), or staying on the theme of socks A "Lost Sock Memorial Day" (May 9)?

There are of course extremely important holidays that may not be overlooked.  Dance like a Chicken Day (May 14) immediately comes to mind although National Sea Monkey Day gives the chicken dancers a lot of competition.

I understand that many very good, charitable causes have petitioned the government for days and even months to celebrate as in "Painful Rectal Itch Day."  But clearly what is happening is that individuals in our culture are so desirous of and entitled to recognition and special status that the really important celebrations tend to be denigrated and overlooked by all the noise.

I of course am not above the fray, and so I therefore propose that the third Friday of May be called John Shanken-Kaye Day.  Of course I will be petitioning Hallmark to create a holiday card with this theme so that millions of people might interrupt their daily grind to stop and consider how special is John Shanken-Kaye.  I expect to be showered, not only with cards, but donations, in the form of cash or debit cards.  People who sincerely desire to celebrate JSK day will go out of their way on that Friday to be especially cynical, sarcastic, and, for those of us who know what it means, ironic.

While I do not expect that my holiday can garner the weight of say, National Macaroon Day (May 31), engaging a high-powered public relations firm to spread the word about JSK will slowly build acceptance and excitement for this important holiday. I do not of course expect that JSK Day will become a National Holiday but I hope that everyone will take the time, on May 15th, 2014, to reflect on the many very important things John Shanken-Kaye has done to enhance your life. Don't be concerned if absolutely nothing occurs to you. This is to be expected when considering a new and profound holiday tradition.

Just make sure to send the money.

Hitting Out of Your League (Special Valentine's Day Blog for the Currently Lonely)

This post is for the single guys and gals among us: straight, gay, bi, and all other categories of sexual proclivities. It applies equally to the young as to the not so young. It is based upon nothing but my opinions formed over 30 years as a counselor and psychologist and many more than 30 years as a lover (happily married I hasten to add). The stimulus is the approach of St. Valentine's Day, that boost for lovers and bane of the lonely.

It is the case (and you could look it up) that most humans learn early in life to what "league" of potential lovers they belong. Some very few of us are incredibly well endowed by the Universe with great beauty, intellect, and talent (and it doesn't hurt if our progenitors have money). These are the people in the "AAA" league. They are indeed amazing, and they are a minute portion of the general population. Most of us, if honestly appraised, are in a quite different league; perhaps "A" if we're very fortunate but generally somewhere between "B" and "D."

We learn, over time, to what league we belong and we tend to believe that only individuals in the same league, or reasonably close, are our only chances for true love. As a consequence, we pine, we yearn, we settle, we get discouraged...but we often don't get a connection with people to whom we genuinely feel attracted. (This is not to suggest that millions of people do not find true love within their league, only that many do not, solely as a consequence of  pining for people they believe to be out of reach and the fear of rejection if they reach out.)

The idea of being in a league.

This idea sort of goes hand-in-hand with the concept of "knowing one's place."  And  that idea takes us all the way back to the old countries and their notions of the status of individuals being divinely determined.  We like to think that in the United States and Canada at the least, everyone has thrown off these prejudices and we are all now on a level playing field.  If only that were the case.  To begin with, people are absolutely segregated on the basis of race, but even more so on the basis of money.  People in different socioeconomic classes just don't rub elbows all that frequently, at least not on the party circuit.  As a practical matter this means that most individuals begin limiting their idea of with whom they may have a romantic liaison on the most petty of bases: how people dress, where they live, what kind of cars they drive.

The racial divide, while remaining significant, is certainly less of the determinant then it was 50 years ago, especially if people have money.  Unfortunately, this is not true in all parts of the country but, the richer and more educated people become, the less race appears to be a factor in developing loving relationships.

While some people might argue that education is another great segregator, given the generally lousy education supplied by the overwhelming majority of institutions of higher learning, at least in the US, this may not create as much a divide as one might think.  Ignorance is a great leveler, no matter the possession of degrees.

This then leaves the greatest divider of all: beauty.  It is the fact that most people do not think that they are anywhere near as attractive as an objective observer might judge.  Even people quite famous for their beauty, both men and women, are often heard to complain about their various features which, according to them, fall short of "beauty."  There are of course people who are, for lack of a kinder word, ugly.  While they may be ugly in interesting ways, no amount of makeup, costuming, or even plastic surgery, is likely to make them beautiful.  Beauty is the great sorter of potential mates.(It is a fact that older research showed that women were less likely to prize physical beauty to the degree that did men; placing more significance upon sense of humor, common interests, compatibility, and kindness.  Only men at one time were viewed as so shallow as to place primary significance upon beauty.  How fortunate are we to live in a time where, thanks to cultural trends mostly derived from the growth of electronic media and politics, most women are today every bit as shallow as are men, at least in making an initial determination based upon physical characteristics.)

All of the above lead to the perception of "leagues."  Most people tend to place themselves in a league containing people of similar levels of attractiveness, socioeconomic status, education, and race.  When they become acquainted with people considered to be outside of their league, it is the brave individual indeed who has the confidence to make a move and try and raise one's self up as it were.

Money as a leveler

As noted above, money is a tremendous attractant and, of and by itself, tends to place an individual in a much higher league than their other attributes might allow them to attain.  One only has to look at the so-called "trophy wives" or lately "trophy husbands" that people with vast sums of money are able to attract.  No matter what is said by the partners, does anyone really believe that a 28-year-old beauty actually finds a 75-year-old man or woman attractive, desirable, and sexy?  True confession: my wife has often offered the opinion that if some tragic event befell her, I would no doubt be remarried very quickly.  I always inform my love that I do not have nearly enough money to attract the kind of partner that I would find exciting if I were in that situation.  No, my age and financial situation naturally puts me in a league where the women who might be most interested in me are likely to wear corrective shoes and remember the 50's and 60's all too vividly. There's nothing wrong with this, it is where I naturally am in life, but no amount of my personal aging degrades my appreciation for the beauty of young people and no amount of charm on my part attracts those beauties. It is truly a case that money, honey, is the fastest, surest way to advance from a lower league to a higher and even to erase those wrinkles and age spots. (A side note to my age peers, especially women, I do not mean to denigrate the beauty and wisdom  of older women (or men) but seriously, all things being equal, who would you rather bed, if not wed: one of your age mates, or a young, smart, hot, hard body of whatever gender attracts you?)

So what's a poor boy (or girl) to do?

First, the bad news: you can't always get what you want and generally you often don't even get what you need.  However, if you're willing to accept a certain amount of rejection and possibly humiliation, you can do a great deal to make sure that next Valentine's Day is spent with another actual human being of whom you are fond, rather than with your various cats and dogs.

Many people claim to lack the self-esteem to hit above their league. They predict failure and they are certain that failure says something terrible about them as human beings.

Let's deal with the fear of rejection first. Yes, if you approach many people, even with respect and good will, they will reject you. But wait! Is it really you that they are rejecting? Chances are they don't know you. They are making a split second decision on the thinnest of evidence. Yes, it still stings, but chances are what they are rejecting is something about themselves that they see, and don't like, in you. You remind them of someone unpleasant in their past perhaps; they don't like "your type" which is again ridiculous since they are only judging your type based upon the most shallow observations; you're too something: young, old, tall, short, thin, heavy, forward, reticent.  This is not to suggest that immediate rejection is sometimes not wise. If you are a jerk, asshole, smell wrong, dress like a vagrant, live with your mother past 25; abuse drugs or alcohol; it's the right thing for you to be rejected. Happily, these are all correctable deficits (just throw out that AXE if you're a guy and stop wearing cologne of any kind. If you're a woman, soap and water does wonders.)

On to self-esteem. You will never prove to yourself or anyone else that you are good enough. It's a decision that each of us either makes, or does not make, for ourselves. If you can't accept yourself with all your flaws (except using AXE) how are others to accept you? It's not about conceit and it's not about some bullshit way of fooling yourself. If you have serious and demonstrable character flaws, correct them. If you're a reasonably good woman or man, decide once and for all that you will give and accept nothing short of respect and acceptance to and from everyone. Once you can achieve this, you're ready to move on up!

There was once a very funny comedian name of Buddy Hackett. Younger readers will perhaps remember him, if at all, as the voice of "Scuttle" in The Little Mermaid. He was a funny, funny man. (Some trivia: he was the most frequent guest ever on the Tonight Show with Johnny Carson.) Although funny and popular, he was not very attractive. Although married for almost 50 years, Hackett was frequently seen in the company of beautiful women, especially in Vegas. I'll never forget one night Johnny Carson asked Buddy how, given his looks, he could attract so many beautiful women? Buddy replied, "I ask 'em. Nobody else asks 'em." He went on to explain that he might ask 50 women to dinner and 49 brushed him off, laughed in his face, said NO. But one would undoubtedly say yes, and that's all it takes.

If you can keep in mind that .true rejection can only come from people who know you well, then asking to date anyone who attracts you makes perfect sense. But even when people with whom you've had an acquaintance reject you, in may have more to do with their personal tastes than any intrinsic value on your part. Many people don't like lobster, or vanilla ice cream, but it would be bizarre to say that those foods were not excellent in an of themselves, just that people are entitled to their own taste; as in food, so also in people.

Some caveats: don't be a pest; no means no.; be always respectful and kind; keep seeking true love no matter the effort and time (and rejection). The more you try, the greater the probability of success.

Here's hoping that you find true love (or "to blave") sometime soon. Maybe this year will be your best. Maybe even tomorrow.

Next blog: "We all settle. You got a problem with that?"

What a long, strange trip...: Hitting Out of Your League (Special Valentine's Da...

What a long, strange trip...: Hitting Out of Your League (Special Valentine's Da...: This post is for the single guys and gals among us: straight, gay, bi, and all other categories of sexual proclivities. It applies equally t...

What's Important New Year 2015?

Hi Folks,
New Year's Eve is upon us. Social media is all blocked up with messages about Peace and Happiness and Well-Being in the New Year. Kind of an extension of the left-over Christmas wishes from last week. As are all leftovers, these tend to be rather dry and lacking in flavor. Below are my wishes for you and for me this coming year that are as fresh as powder on an infant's butt.

1. I hope everyone still living stays alive another year. It's rather amazing how often this simple wish is overlooked. Except for those with chronic or acute illness, most people take the fact they will be alive next year rather for granted. My suggestion: don't be so Cavalier. Instant Karma may indeed be out to get you as early as tonight. Wish for life for you and all you know. Everything else is optional.
2. Right along with life comes of course, health. Life without health can be a significant drag. Nevertheless, life first, health second. It's amazing what one can endure in terms of ill health and still get down and party every once in a while. Death on the other hand tends to end the party permanently.
3. Fast on the heels of the above is wealth. It appears somewhat out of fashion to wish for wealth. But, although money can't buy you love, it can certainly rent it. And as everyone knows, Romance without Finance is a Nuisance. So don't be cowed by the denizens of propriety and PC, wish for money baby, bags and bags of money. If the notion of being wealthy causes you to have moral qualms, send some my way; I promise to spend every dime helping my fellow humans (by purchasing lots of stuff to keep them employed).
4. Keep at least some of your vices. New Year tends to be that time when people make "Resolutions" to be better to themselves: lose weight, stop smoking,  stop using recreational drugs (I say recreational because if you abuse drugs you decrease the chance that wish #1 will be fulfilled). These are all noble goals but let us have some perspective. Vice is nice in proportion to Virtue. People who continually attempt to rid themselves of all vices are dry, humorless, and often hectoring people. All things in moderation perhaps but that ought to include stuff that is not good for you/illegal/out of fashion. Keep a vice. Keep it reasonable. Enjoy the hell out of it when you indulge. 
5. Stop worrying about your older children! This is of course for those of my compatriots who are blessed with older offspring. You did your best. Or, if you didn't do your best, you did what you did and there's no going back. When, if, they complain about their life, tell them you're sorry for whatever imagined wrong you committed and to get on with their lives. Then walk with dignity out of your garage where they have been residing since graduating.
6. Stop worrying about your younger children! The world you live in is not more dangerous than it was 60 years ago, in fact it's far less dangerous given advances in medicine, technology, GPS tracking and the comfort that the NSA helpfully reads your mail, texts, and twitter feeds to keep you safe. Leave your kids alone! Let them eat dirt. Let them wade in streams and creeks and catch interesting creatures. Allow them to fold, spindle, and mutilate. Don't be so concerned about how well they do in school. If they're smart they'll do reasonably well without all of the hovering and parental interference and if they're not that smart? There are things in life every bit as important as formal education; a happy childhood for instance. A harmonious family life. Determine to get off your children's back this year and watch what happens.
7. I suppose I ought to say something on world peace, racism, sexism, homophobia, and classism. Only one thing you can do; don't be a dick. Stop thinking you, your race, your class, your gender, your sexual preferences make you special; you're not. You are a fluke of the universe. You have no right to be here, and whether you can hear it or not, the universe is laughing behind your back.
8. And so, Happy New Year my friends and dearest Droogs. I hope you stay alive, stay healthy, have fun, stay or fall in love, and make lots and lots of money in 2015!

Love you all madly,

Dr. John

TODAY'S RANT: Working on Thanksgiving

October 25, 2014 at 11:41am

PublicFriendsFriends except AcquaintancesOnly MeCustomClose FriendsMonarch Theatre TroupeSee all lists...Temple UniversityHuntingdon Valley, Pennsylvania AreaAssociates for Counseling & Educational Services, LLCKelseyPlaycrafters of SkippackNortheast High SchoolFamilyAcquaintancesGo Back

I am bemused by the social media uproar over certain chain stores having the temerity, the gall, to remain open on Thanksgiving, thereby depriving their workers of a holiday they "deserve." Really?
Please understand, I am a lifelong Liberal and proud of it. I believe in the Unions and have been in the past, and for many years, a Union member. But I also spent a considerable portion of my young adult years in retail. Anyone who works retail will confirm the opinion that it is generally thankless, low-paying, and at times grueling work. Nevertheless it is a job.
Why does anyone "deserve" this particular holiday? Why not July 4th or Labor Day? How about President's Day or Martin Luther King Day? These are all days people might spend with their families but instead go to work.
Perhaps all of our uniformed men and women: Firefighters, Police, Nurses, Physicians, ought to take the day off? I know the argument; we need these people to maintain essential services. We do not need to shop at Walmart. But the chain stores exist to make money for their shareholders. The economy is still fragile. The workers generally can use the extra money.
No one forces people to accept particular jobs. Everyone of the workers at all of the stores opening on Thanksgiving signed on for whatever hours the companies determine best for business. If that includes Thanksgiving, so be it. If this offends you and you're an employee; quit. If it offends you and you're a consumer, don't shop there. I have a strong sense however that all of the people who state they won't shop on Thanksgiving have the luxory of having enough disposable income that they don't need the few dollars they might save by the "Door Buster" or "Early Bird" specials. But millions of people DO need these price breaks and those extra dollars might translate into signifigant good for their families.
Instead of rallying around this empty, feel good project of meaningless protest, how about insisting that all retail workers make a living wage; say $15 per hour and time and a half for holidays? Let's start a petition affirming that we will gladly pay higher prices to support these workers. Retail workers need decent wages and working conditions far more than they need to gorge themselves on Turkey on Thanksgiving. Fighting for more money for workers, even if it means higher prices, is fighting for meaningful cultural change. Fighting so people don't have to work on a holiday is an empty, sanctimonious, feel good shoW of ersatz support for reatil workers that will do nothing to change the culture of extreme income inequality, nor will it improve anyone's life.
Give it a rest.

Thank you, carry on.